I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
there is glitter all over my balls
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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