i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This baby is an asshole
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
