I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
