He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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