Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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