Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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