READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
