mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
