thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize