I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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