i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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