he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
