I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize