96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
