He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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