Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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