I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
