I just made out with a guy for $7.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
