she was so not down for the gang bang
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
