the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
