i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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