the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
