last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
