this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
