I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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