I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
