I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
