I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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