I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
