I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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