Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he thought i was a dude.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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