so that wasnt chicken after all
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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