If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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