just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
