My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize