She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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