My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
40s are totally the cure
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
