I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
