No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
