i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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