Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
