I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
