she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My cat gives me a boner
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
