If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
