loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
