I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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