I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
why is half of my head shaved?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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