I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
