Your dad touched me again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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