Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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