You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
