No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
