we have officially lost it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
