You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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