Moan for me like Helen Keller
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
