she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
