I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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