Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
