I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
