god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
