Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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