she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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