What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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