My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
