he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
