I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
