Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
