You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
