I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it hurts more in the daytime
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
