the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need moral support for this bender
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
