the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize