I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
