No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
