But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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