I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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