The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
