He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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