I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
