I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
